So ‘stone’ is a new term for me. I believe it means enjoying/being okay with giving (sexual) touch, but not receiving it, or at least having a strong preference in that direction. Do correct me if I got that wrong. (And, for the record, ‘paper’ meaning the opposite).
I mean, that’s definitely something I can identify with. But perhaps it is just an extension of my grey-a. After all, if I am the one initiating the touch, I am the one in control of it, which means I can have less contact at my discretion. Hypothetically, that is.
Non-sexually, I think I still prefer to give touch over receiving touch. Yet if someone else initiated contact I can enjoy it after a moment of ‘adjustment’, or if I was expecting it. In this sense, they can initiate contact, but I like to feel that we are on par with the giving, or that despite their initiation I still have control over the contact. Yet, I sometimes also enjoy having this control taken away, being surprised, my bubble popped, if you like. It makes me feel like I’m not alone, or not selfish. Even when I am ‘giving’ touch, I still feel that I am ‘receiving’ contact as a result, if you will, because I do not touch without knowing that it is okay, therefore their acceptance of it to me is a kind of reciprocation rather than just ‘receiving’. Then, there is the symbolic meaning of being touched, in whatever context, which can mean that I am desirable, wearing something soft, needed for comfort, or have reached a certain level of trust and connection with that person, and I can enjoy or actively desire touch for those reasons.
Sexually, the stone preference is stronger. I’ve come to realise that I just don’t like receiving sexual touch. At best, I am indifferent to receiving, or finding the sensation physically ok but emotionally ‘meh’, and at worst I am slightly repulsed, at which point I automatically dissociate and start viewing things purely scientifically. I’m referring to being naked and receiving skin on skin touch, and ‘down there’. This anti-receiving has a few key exceptions generally related to the symbolic meanings mentioned above. For instance, although I’ve realised I dislike kissing mouth-to-mouth as a general rule, I am very attracted to the first kiss in a relationship because of the emotional significance, likewise to kisses that come at key moments of reassurance or perhaps celebration. I’ve realised that all other kisses are somewhat of a compromise. Whilst rather minor compromises to me, their collection over time has made me feel more and more uncomfortable.
A stone submissive? Continue reading